Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
Friendly introvert, eclectic hobbyist, open to new things. I guess I would describe myself as a student, though I'm not currently enrolled in any classes. I spend most of my time learning and exploring new skills and hobbies, currently guitar, mixed digital/traditional art, programming, and video games.
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
I had an inkling when I was younger after a few formative experiences. Playing and getting stuck in mud out at my dad's cabin, and this science demonstration they did at school about atmospheric pressure involving sitting in a garbage bag with a vacuum attached. But it didn't really click until much, much later, when I started getting more into online communities and talking shop about different fetishes. Bit of a late bloomer to kink, I spent years keeping to myself because I didn't have any friends in-person who I was comfortable talking about kinks with, and my relationships were very vanilla. Thankfully, that has since changed, gotta love the Internet!
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
100% Submissive, though I could see myself topping in the right dynamic/scene with the right partner. I've always been a bit of a people pleaser. I enjoy giving up power and feeling helpless, and while the thought of playing the dominant in a scene doesn't do much for me, If I have a connection with the person, playing the role and fulfilling a partners fantasy can be deeply satisfying.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
That's a tough one, both are very important aspects to me. I love the feeling of being physically helpless, but the context of the scene and who I'm sharing it with is usually more important than the strictness of the bondage, so I suppose emotional. I often mix erotic hypnosis, pet play, and other kinks, so I've been involved in scenes that are totally dependent on mental bondage, or sometimes a mix. Part of opening up online first meant a lot of my kink relationships were long distance, where physical bondage is a bit more limited, or requires creativity. I enjoy self-bondage occasionally, but safety is paramount and I'd rather not have to rely on outing myself to a housemate in an emergency. Always do your research and take every safety precaution possible, and never go all the way totally alone. With self-bondage, If I can get 80-90% restrained, have that safe and relatively easy escape, and use hypnosis and commands/training from my dom to get the rest of the way there, I'm happy.
What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?
It's an outlet for expression as well as fulfilling needs, not unlike creative pursuits or other hobbies one might have. But most importantly it's something that I can share with a lover or friend to bring us closer together, and have profoundly satisfying and rewarding experiences, reinforcing our trust and feelings for one another. I wouldn't say that it's a lifestyle for me, because I don't devote myself totally to it, but it’s much more ingrained in me, and more encompassing than many of my other interests.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Yep, never had any bad experiences opening up to people, but I haven't had to bring it up much while dating. Most times where it's relevant, they already knew we had that common interest because it's how we met. I've made a lot of friends/play partners while exploring and sharing my kinks through communities, groups, and chats. It can be a somewhat awkward subject to bring up on a random date, but if you meet people based on shared interests, it can make the whole dating process a lot more fun and easy going. I would consider it a requirement in my relationships, so to bring it up later on a date seems a bit backwards. Though to be honest, I don't pursue vanilla sex regularly, so I'm not often in a situation where I've had to bring it up out of nowhere.
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
Technically, the school science thing I mentioned earlier. But I suppose it would be after I ordered my first toys, which included an under-the-bed restraint setup with wrist/ankle cuffs. Still a staple to this day, with a few upgrades.
What was your best bondage experience?
Being tightly but comfortably bound to my bed for a couple hours, with some buzzy toys on their lowest settings, only enough to tease, blindfolded, with headphones on playing an erotic hypnosis/training playlist recorded by some very close friends. I've done it a few times, but it's always different. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't, just gotta keep experimenting, learning, and practicing.
What is the most creative safe word you have ever used?
Never had to use one. Haven't had an opportunity to play with "consensual non-consent" yet, though I'm interested. The people I've played with have all been close friends, we met based on the kink, got to know each other and hung out many times before progressing to doing things. It really makes scenes all the more special when you have that connection, understanding, and trust with the other person/people. So usually everything is laid out in the pre-talks. Gotta be open about what you want, and what you don't, or if you don't know, at least where you're willing to explore.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
Be safe (Safe, Sane, Consensual) but also, have fun! Experiment, try new things, even if they sound silly or weird, you never know until you try.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Don't be afraid to open up, you'll miss out on a lot of fun and learning if you keep it all to yourself. I've always been very shy, but the veil of anonymity we have on the internet has been a great boon for helping me out of my shell. You don't have to start out with local gatherings, or bringing it up with dates, if the thought makes you too uncomfortable, use an alias and meet people online. You can use your interest in BDSM to connect with people just like anything else, don't restrict yourself to bedroom talk with a partner, It's nothing to be ashamed about. Even if you're only interested in doing things in private and not carrying them over to your day to day life, or living vicariously and exploring through fantasy, writing, and art. It's nice to have people you can be open with and share things with, or ask questions, without the taboo attitude we're so used to in our day to day lives. Just like any other community, you can connect with people and end up sharing things totally unrelated, half my gaming buddies are from kink groups. It's how I've met some of my closest and dearest friends. Even if you're exploring with a significant other, it's still a great way to learn and grow together.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
Padded locking slave mittens! They're one of the newest things I've tried and I love them, super cozy and very restrictive. Buckled on they are definitely inescapable. But I also like using them in self-bondage sessions, I won't recommend it for safety’s sake, and because it can be rough on the lining wiggling into/out of a buckled restraint. I like having them loosely buckled, first or second notch, and wriggling into them after my arms are restrained. Loose enough that they're fairly easy to wiggle in and out of, because when things get heated, the lining can get a bit clingy. That was an exciting lesson to learn, but also a prime example of why you need to be super careful when doing things on your own, you never know. Gotta have a reasonably fast and reliable out in an emergency. Honorable mention to the quick link bondage connector links, I've gone through many spring snap styled ones from different shops, and these do the job nicely while being super durable and reliable.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
I really want to try a vacbed! I haven't because of a mix of cost, lack of storage space, privacy, and not having any nearby friends with one.
If you had to be trapped in a tv show for a month, which would you choose and why?
Sometimes I can get too deep into hypotheticals, but it would depend heavily on the context. Would there be any consequences? I would love something sci-fi or fantasy, but it presents a lot of dangers. And what happens if I choose a game show? Do I keep the prizes? A whole month of winning prizes could be a contender versus what is essentially a one-time dream vacation. I'm also bad at making decisions so... Star Trek TNG, and I could Holodeck any show or fantasy I want or spend it on Risa, haha.
Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or a silly knock-knock jokes? We are all ears and ball gags.
Just on the thought of game shows on that last question, how cool would a kinky game show be? Like competing to finish challenges, answer trivia, etc., with increasing bondage on failure or mistakes. Someone make it happen please.
