Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
Everyday life can be ridiculously hectic! I’m a beat reporter, and I work an average of six days and 65 hours a week. When accounting for the average drive time to and from work, I only get around 20 hours of free time to myself. It’s a lot to deal with! But I also love my job, and it can be insanely rewarding, so it all works out on some level. When I’m not working, I’m usually doing a mix of sleeping, writing, or exercising. The important thing for me is finding an activity that feels both productive and relaxing, which can be tough to figure out. Either way, I like to be in perpetual motion. If I stay still for too long, I get restless!
When did you first realize you were into bondage?
I’m not quite sure about a specific age, but I do seem to remember getting really fascinated by the idea of being bound and gagged in middle school. It was definitely a product of the media I consumed. I loved watching cartoons growing up, and there were always episodes where the main characters were captured and held prisoner. The biggest offender was Scooby Doo. The show terrified me, but seeing the plights Daphne got into kept me coming back for some reason. Totally Spies was another example! Their show was way more explicitly kinky in retrospect, but it definitely fascinated me! Those thoughts all came to a head one day, when we were reading a great poem called “The Highwayman” by Alfred Noyes in English class. Though the ending of that narrative is decidedly dark, one of the female characters is bound and gagged to a bedpost. In class, my imagination ran wild with that scenario in ways I couldn’t describe. After that, I was a curious “Google search” away from diving into the deep end, and 15 or so years later, here I am!
How you best describe yourself? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or FuzzyRainbow Unicorn. Please explain your choice.
Submissive – there isn’t really a doubt about this one. To carry the thread from my previous answer, whenever I saw or imagined characters bound and gagged, the thought of being in their position always excited me. Tight bonds, muffled moans and helplessness… It’s funny, but there’s a certain paradoxical nature to it. The more tied up I am, the less bound I feel. I don’t make the choices anymore! I’m free to simply experience sensations. There’s a beauty in that existence, and I love it so much.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
I’m not so sure you can separate the two? So I suppose the answer lies somewhere between both for me. To be in bondage is to give up control to someone else. There’s an inherent layer of trust that is woven through the ropes and straps that bind the sub. The mind-bending anticipation of touch is just as effective as the actual sensation itself, and they’re often both what I seek. Sure, there are definitely moments where my desires are more carnal in nature, but ultimately, I crave the sensation of being restrained and held by someone I love. That physical and emotional connection is what makes bondage so intoxicating.
What does BDSM mean to you: is it a lifestyle, a diversion, or something else?
Personally, BDSM lies somewhere between hobby and passion project. While I often find myself day dreaming about it, I’m not sure I would devote my entire life to serve another in the classical D/s sense. It’s a fun thought experiment, but one that also terrifies me because I know how addicting it would be. For me, bondage is pure catharsis, whether that’s experiencing it first hand, writing stories about it, or commissioning artwork. It’s always a wonderful outlet.
How did you discover you were kinky?
Believe it or not, it wasn’t when I discovered bondage! It was actually when my parents caught me drawing bondage art in my room. For some reason, although I was shy about it, it never occurred to me that I should be more careful with my artwork or search history! They were very concerned and gave me a stern lecture. Clearly, since I’m answering these questions on a bondage site, their method of deterrence worked! (/end sarcasm) It was kind of that moment when everything clicked for me, and I realized that my tastes were decidedly deviant in nature. For the most part, I’m obscenely vanilla -- almost to a fault -- but my interest in bondage has blossomed quickly from just simple rope and tape gags to a love of leather, latex, ball gags and armbinders.
Can you describe your first bondage experience?
Just to be on the safe side, I’ll describe two – they’re both firsts in their own right and equally important experiences.
Technically, my first bondage experience was alone. Late one night in 7th grade, I decided I needed to try self-bondage. You can only fantasize for so long! So, I snuck downstairs at 1 a.m., grabbed a roll of duct tape, some wire bag clips and some bungee cords, and high-tailed it back to my room. The first thing I did was plaster silvery strips of tape all over my lips, and it felt amazing. I distinctly remember the smell and the persistent feel of it, almost tickling as I felt the contours of my lips through the material with my fingers. Next, I took both clips and attached them to my nipples. It was my first time really experiencing pressure on them, and it was a severe shock to the system! But it was an exhilarating shock~ After that, I used two pairs of toy handcuffs my family had purchased on a trip to Alcatraz a few years earlier, attached a set to my wrists and ankles, and used the bungee cords to anchor each to the headboard and foot of my bed. There were definitely a lot of emotions welling up as I lay down and finished securing myself. The bonds definitely weren’t tight, and I learned that tape peels off rather quickly, but I didn’t particularly care. In that moment, I was somewhere else entirely. It was no longer my bedroom. I was in a dungeon, next in line for torment. Or I was on a medical gurney being wheeled around for inspection and admittance into an asylum. Or perhaps someone had broken into my room at night and needed to keep me out of the way? The point is, the possibilities were endless! Even with that makeshift setup, I was in subspace for the first time. In its own way, it was exactly what I needed to feel.
With that said, my first real bondage experience with a Domme came in 2016, a little over a year after graduating college. By sheer happenstance, I met the love of my life at a café we both frequented. After exchanging numbers, interests and subtle innuendos, we both stumbled on a mutual love of restraints. My first session ended up being our first date at her apartment. As I stood on her doorstep in casual jeans, boots and flannel, I just remember being hopelessly nervous, and soon enough, she opened the door and welcomed me in with a beautiful smile. I hovered on her every word as she showed me around the interior of her apartment, awkwardly fumbling through responses until she led me to the living room. She asked me to kneel on the floor and wait while she retrieved equipment from her bedroom. Prior to that night, we had talked extensively about preferred positions, gear, limits and safe words, but it still felt like I was dancing on the edge of a knife, fluctuating wildly between 100% committed and 100% terrified. She returned with a big black bag full of rope, tape and toys, set it down on the ground next to me and then just hugged me from behind. With a gentle reminder of our agreed-upon safe words and warning signs, she kissed my cheek and began to fasten my arms together behind my back. Over the course of the next 30 minutes, she explored my body with roaming hands and twine flush against my frame, lulling me into a frogtie. It was immaculate, better than I could have ever imagined. When I was finally all packaged up, she smoothed tape over my lips, kissed me through the gag and carried me into her bedroom. I’ll remember the rest of that night for as long as I live. <3
What was your best bondage experience?
There was a particularly memorable session where I was double-Dommed! It’s a long, long story, but my girlfriend was kind enough to share me with a professional Dominatrix for my birthday a couple of years back! During one part of the session, I was entirely nude save for thigh-high boots, a strict armbinder, an open-mouth hood and a 2-inch harness ballgag. The gag straps had been attached to the ceiling via a pair of anchor points, and it forced me to stand en pointe in the center of the room. While I struggled to maintain balance, the two of them teased me relentlessly. It was simultaneously breathtaking and maddening. I shudder just remembering it!
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
Trust. Speaking as a sub, at some level, you have to believe that whoever is in charge both knows what they’re doing and also has your well-being at heart. The experience would be entirely different without trust as its foundation.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Be careful, but hopeful. Long before I met my girlfriend, I was resigned to the fact that I’d be frustrated experiencing poorly-done self-bondage my entire life. On the one hand, that mentality allowed me to stay safe. While I might have been accumulating gear, I never put myself in harm’s way. In my opinion, there’s no reason to put yourself in danger simply for an orgasmic rush. Eventually, you’ll find someone who can help you experience your kinky dreams to the fullest extent.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from Sub-Shop.com and why?
This one’s easy: it’s my pump gag! The White Leather Penis Pump Gag Trainer™ is the first thing I ever purchased from Sub-Shop, so it already has a sentimental value for me, but it’s also super effective! I just adore the way the straps hug my face when they’re tightened, and the feel of the panel pressed up against my lips is perfect. The dildo also gives me something to focus on while I’m bound, whether that’s sucking on it gently or just trying to make a noise louder than a sniff after it’s been given a few pumps! That level of restriction and versatility plays into everything I love about bondage.
What is the funniest thing you have ever seen a stranger do?
Stand-up comedy!
Is there anything else you would like to share with us such as advice, thoughts or goofy knock-knock jokes? We are all ears and ball gags.
If you’re all ears and ball gags, what am I going to do with all of these blindfolds??
In all seriousness though, bondage has transformed into something of a life experience for me. There is an unspoken, and yet plainly visible, artistry to it that is just hard to describe succinctly. I can lose myself in, and ultimately be enhanced by, someone else. It’s symbiotic, its poetry, its affection, it’s a dance, it’s a duet… it’s all of that and so much more. I just wish more people understood bondage for what it really is and can be.
This was a lot of fun, Autumn! Thanks so much for asking me to be a part of this project!
