In the culture of BDSM, the relationship between dominant and submissive is usually maintained through certain rules or protocols. These rules reinforce the status and role of each participant. The rules can be as simple as requiring a submissive to close a door for the dominant. It can also be as complicated as having a list of duties for a submissive to do. For example:
- Submissive must remain naked at all times.
- Submissive must wear a certain type of dress at all times.
- Submissive must kneel at the dominant’s feet while seated.
- Submissive is forbidden to establish any kind of eye contact with the dominant.
- Submissive is not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
- Submissive is only allowed to speak about themselves in the third person. For example, “This boy is hungry, master.”
- Submissive must follow the instructions of the dominant as to what they may eat or wear.
- Submissive is not allowed to make choices such as choosing their favorite restaurant, choosing television programs etc.
- Submissive cannot have any secret from the dominant.
- Submissive has to earn their pleasure by pleasing their dominant.
The basic principle of a slave’s service is attentiveness. Attentiveness should be reflected in your behavior and commitment to satisfy the dominant’s needs and desires. It is your role to serve your master’s needs. Does your master want to light up a cigarette? Is your master’s coffee cup empty? Does your dominant need a chair to sit on? It is your duty to make sure the dominant’s needs are served by making all the necessary arrangements to make his or her life easy. It is your joyful task to ensure the dominant’s needs come fast. Your ability to perform and serve your master is a standard by which you and your master will be judged by others. Bear in mind, your sincerity and attentiveness will not only please your dominant, it will also impress those you meet. In other words, it is your duty as slave to make your master is proud to have you. Now let’s take a look at some of the etiquettes all submissives must follow:
- Submissives must be loyal even to those who are not present. Speaking ill of another is not allowed.
- Submissives must not complain to others. If the submissive has a complaint, he or she should discuss it with his or her dominant.
- Do not hesitate to do more than your fair share.
- Submissives have to be dependable. They are expected to be where the dominant has indicated, when the dominant has specified. The specifics of location and time can be negotiated and has to be agreed upon by both parties.
- Submissives must try to anticipate what the dominant is going to do next.
- Submissives have to be flexible. They must have the ability to act quickly once he or she understands the situation. The submissive must recognize what actions a situation calls for.
- Being punctual is key. Naturally, this is true for any commitment. It is a submissive’s duty to take care of any tasks and arrive at meetings early.
- If the submissive is unable to keep a commitment or unable to complete a task in time, he or she must notify the dominant and explain their situation.
Dominants have certain responsibilities and duties too. They are responsible for their slave’s emotional, social and physical well-being in the context of the BDSM lifestyle. The dominant is always responsible for what needs to be done for the highest good of their submissive. In a bigger sense, the dominant has to behave with respect to his or her submissive as a servant dominant. The dominant has to serve his or her slaves in certain ways to help them to follow their inner natures while they develop, mature, learn and grow in the BDSM Lifestyle.
