Delicious sex becomes even more delicious if you and your partner are on the same – sexual, if not kinky – page. Different sexual strokes work for different folks. A healthy, intimate relationship relies on knowing where each partner stands in the relationship, as well as where, and how, each partner wants to lie down too, wink, wink!
After all, sex – especially great sex - is a two-way street.You can’t do it alone. Though you can easily have an orgasm alone, good sex requires a dynamic interplay that involves not just you and your partner’s bodily fluids. It demands a mutual sharing of expectations, needs, and pleasure.
How would you know what your partner likes? How would your partner know what you like?
Communication is key. Telling your lover what turns you on, and what turns you off spells the difference between ooh-la-la lovemaking and ho-hum sex. Openness and honesty is an important part of a healthy sexual relationship. If you want to rock the bed, make sure good communication is the bedrock of your sexual relationship.
You don’t like how he slobbers all over you when he kisses you? Tell him! You don’t like how she responds to your dirty talk? Tell her! Be honest but don’t forget to be kind. Being truthful is important, but being nice is important-er. Don’t ruin a relationship with harsh honesty. Your lover would be more open to feedback if it is given with earnest forthrightness.
Don’t be too critical though. If you are willing to say the bad, feel free to also say the good. Do you love how he gets you in the mood by whispering in your ear? Tell him! Does she give a good massage? Tell her! Expect to receive more of what you want once your partner knows what turns you on. In the same way, expect to give more of what your partner wants once you know what turns him on. This situation could only result in a win-win situation for both of you. Isn’t that yummy?
I make sure I let my partner know what I like because it is a step closer to receiving what I want, and vice versa. The end result is a relationship committed to us looking after each other, and making one other feel and be better.
Respecting your lover’s wishes and wants will make him feel valued. A healthy partner is more than ready to give the same back through a dynamic that fosters mutual affection. But don’t think I’m Pollyanna here. I know the world is not made up of flowers and sunshine.
Disagreements do happen whether we like it or not. But if the relationship is strong enough, and if you and your partner have built a solid foundation where both of you can openly talk about your dislikes and likes, this is not an issue at all. A healthy relationship accepts anything and everything about who a person is and what he could be. Everyone is a work in progress. A healthy response to any form of disagreement would be to compromise.
The test of a real relationship is when you are comfortable enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask for support. Do you prefer that your partner hold your hand when you are being intimate? A healthy relationship is where partners work to build each other up.It is constantly making sure your partner is okay. Does he feel comfortable? Is he making sure you are comfortable as well?
Plus, telling your partner what you like creates healthy boundaries in your relationship. This leads to a deeper awareness of where the relationship is and where it is headed. It could also help steer where both of you want it to go, especially within the intimacy department. It also saves both of you from having to walk on eggshells especially around issues both of you are avoiding. Having boundaries helps you draw the line between what is comfortable and what causes discomfort. You get to know each other better. You also get to know what you must do to pleasure your partner. Both of you feel good by making each other feel good. If you think that’s not heaven, I don’t know what is.
There may be moments though that you may not see eye to eye on certain issues. Differences are common in relationships. It is what makes your dynamic colourful, sexy and even fun. But if you feel your dissimilarities are affecting how you relate to each other, relax. Take a breather. Remember that you can only accept who or what your partner is, not change them. What you can change is your reaction. If you feel you are bending backwards too much just to please him, and your efforts are not reciprocated, it may be time to consider if you should start to please yourself first. After all, if you’re not happy, you can’t make anyone happy. If you feel glum, you can only share that same glumness to everyone.
Keep your communication open, honest, but light! No sense to bring in unnecessary tension when you can have a fun conversation about things that matter to both of you. Intimacy should be sexy, genuine, free from pressure and anxiety. Learning about your partner’s little nuances is an adventure both of you should be gamely ready for. It is what adds sugar, spice, and everything kinky and nice to your life - both inside and outside the bedroom.
