Once you have gotten a little taste of the BDSM plate, it's easy to understand if you want to play a bit more and introduce it to your partner in order for more sexy times to come. But the question arises, how can you introduce it to your darling lover? Well, here are a few helpful tips to get a bit more… intimate with the subject behind closed doors:
Speak up: You never know what the other might be thinking, so it’s important to talk about it. Maybe you are really curious about it or have taken an interest on it but that idea has not crossed your partner’s mind… yet, wink*. Tell them how this interest started and tell them you are interested in exploring it with them so how would they feel about it? Take it easy and light. The important thing here is to relax, have fun and try new things.
The internet might not be the best idea: You know how sometimes you google something and then end up closing the screen in panic because of what came up? (I can’t be the only one) Unless you have done some serious curating on some specialized sites, don’t make the object of your affection do some random googling.
A word!: A safe word is necessary to keep the situation in control. This will help to stop or slow down any activity when someone is not comfortable. Make it something completely unrelated to the activities being carried out, make sure it’s clear for both of you and don’t make it something like stop, wink*. Now you know why red is so popular.
The judge: Keep in mind that saying the safe word is not a bad thing or an impression of the experience or the roles being carried out. There is no judgment here, you are learning what you enjoy and like about this whole thing.
Easy peachy: Don’t go head first into something, just start nice and simple. In its core, BDSM is the fantasy of being dominated or sexually submitting to someone, so that will be your starting point. Need ideas? I’m glad you asked, wink* Your partner will make you lie on the bed and will instruct you to spread your legs and hold your hands to the bedpost. You won’t be able to move unless they tell you to do it and they will put a blindfold on you. They will then continue to do some normal foreplay, so they can pleasure you orally, kiss your neck, do some touching with a toy… As everything will be heightened because you won’t be able to see, you will enjoy it much more.
Ok, so once you have relished that experience, it’s time to move forward. Yes, you can get some cuffs now, wink*. They will allow you to spread your extremities a bit more comfortably while still keeping them in place. And while you are at it, maybe start acquiring some other tools that tickle your fancy? Like a paddle or a beautiful whip, for example?
Yes, master: You can definitely begin to add on the BDSM terms to the bedroom. It will help to get in the mood of things for you to refer exclusively as “master” or “pet” during playtime. And keep in mind these terms are just suggestions, they can be whatever you guys prefer to call each other.
Spank: This is definitely an aspect of BDSM that many people are interested in. You can start by putting your partner over your knee (or you could be the one being put over someone’s knee, wink*) and see where it leads. There’s no need to worry about pain or punishment spankings, the idea here is for you guys to explore and see what you like.
Learn: Go and find people who are in BDSM relationships and ask them to bring you some advice. They can very helpful when you are new to all of this and have many questions and doubts. You can meet them online or even get together with them on real life; local BDSM communities are each and every time more common. You can form some great relationships there, so don’t be afraid to reach out.
The future: When you are both comfortable and if both of you want to go further, you will need to do some research. Here, a guide would be helpful, because ropes are not going to tie up themselves, wink*. You will need to inform yourself on things like how to safely do bondage and the mechanics of a BDSM relationship… Remember, BDSM is a sea and you can either dip your toes in it or go swimming far out of the shore. Whatever you choose, good luck and happy playtime.
