If you recently discovered that you’re into BDSM and kink, but your partner isn’t, you may feel a bit uncertain about what to do next. It’s a tricky situation to be in - you want to explore your newfound interests, but you don’t want to make your partner uncomfortable or put them in a position where they don’t feel safe. This can be a difficult situation to navigate and it may leave you feeling frustrated and confused. If this is the case for you, then you're not alone. In this blog post, we'll discuss what you should do if you find yourself in this situation and provide advice on how to approach it in a respectful and understanding manner.
Talk about it with your partner
Talking to your partner is the first step to addressing this issue. Start the conversation by being honest and open about your desires and explain to them why you want to explore BDSM. It’s important that you listen to their feelings and concerns without judgment. Many people are intimidated by BDSM, especially if they don’t have much experience with it. Explain to your partner the importance of consent, safety, and communication when it comes to bondage and BDSM activities. Show them that these activities can be enjoyable and safe when done correctly.
Be prepared for a difficult conversation as your partner may need time to process the idea before making a decision. Encourage them to ask questions, so they can understand your interests better. Once they understand more, they may feel more comfortable trying something new. Give them the freedom to make their own choices and accept their answer regardless of what it is. If they decide not to participate in any BDSM activities, respect that decision. Try to find other ways to fulfill your desires such as exploring fantasy roleplay or talking about fantasies during sex. Also consider finding someone else who has an interest in exploring BDSM with you. Make sure this person has similar interests and is just as dedicated to consent and safety as you are.
If all else fails, consider indulging in solo exploration through reading or watching educational videos. Although it won’t provide the same level of intimacy or pleasure compared to having a partner, self-exploration is still a valid way to learn about BDSM and determine what appeals to you. Always remember to be respectful and mindful of your partner's boundaries and wishes no matter how you decide to explore BDSM.
Do some research together
Researching BDSM together is a great way to gain a better understanding of it and find out what you both do and don’t like. It can also be a fun and informative way to get more comfortable with the idea of BDSM and begin exploring some of its possibilities. You might find that you are both drawn to certain aspects, such as bondage, spanking, or role-play, but not others. Or you may even discover that you have different ideas about BDSM than you thought you did. Either way, researching BDSM together will give you a deeper understanding of what it is and help you explore your boundaries safely and respectfully. Have an open and honest conversation about your desires and expectations: Communication is key when it comes to any kind of sexual activity. Once you have done some research together, have an honest conversation about your desires and expectations. Be open to hearing each other's thoughts and feelings on the subject without judgment. And most importantly, listen to each other! Respect each other's limits: This should go without saying, but just because one of you likes BDSM doesn't mean the other has to. Respect each other's boundaries and limits when it comes to sexual activity. If one person isn't comfortable doing something, respect their wishes. Respectfully negotiate: Negotiation is important for all kinds of sexual activities and can be especially helpful for couples who want to experiment with BDSM. Think about what each of you would like from the experience and talk about it openly. Be sure to listen carefully to each other's perspectives and keep an open mind.
Find a compromise
When it comes to BDSM, a compromise is possible even when you and your partner have different preferences. Compromising can help both of you feel more comfortable with exploring these interests together.
One idea for finding a compromise is to try activities that are less extreme. Bondage is an example of a BDSM activity that can range from mild to intense, so you could start with something on the milder side, like light bondage with scarves or rope. Talk to your partner and make sure you both agree on the boundaries before experimenting.
You could also discuss different scenarios or role play, but make sure you understand each other's limits beforehand. You could both agree to explore different aspects of BDSM gradually and be open to trying new activities as long as they fall within your comfort zone.
Remember that communication is key in any relationship, especially if you are exploring BDSM together. Talk openly and honestly about what you are both interested in and how far you are both willing to go. With patience and understanding, you may be able to find a way to explore BDSM together without compromising either of your interests.
Consider trying something else
If you and your partner are unable to come to an agreement about trying BDSM, it might be time to think about trying something else. Communication is key when it comes to experimenting with different sexual activities, so it’s important to listen to each other and explore different options.
If BDSM isn’t on the table, there are still plenty of ways to spice up your sex life. Talk with your partner about your desires and what you both would be comfortable exploring. Consider introducing new elements such as props, role-playing, toys, or fantasy. Keep in mind that your partner may have their own reservations about exploring certain activities, so it’s important to talk openly and honestly and respect each other’s boundaries.
You could also try focusing on foreplay and taking the time to explore each other’s bodies before having intercourse. Take turns giving and receiving pleasure, and try out different techniques such as massage, kissing, caressing, and oral sex. Exploring erogenous zones can be incredibly intimate and enjoyable for both partners.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s something you both feel comfortable with. Talk about your fantasies and desires openly and honestly, and listen to what your partner has to say. With communication, respect, and an open mind, you can find a sexual activity that works for both of you.
