Submissive partners may seem to have it easy, at least in theory. It is because they are expected to do as they are told to satisfy their dominant’s sexual desires while also being turned on by it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be the submissive partner at all. But this is only how things appear. It gets more complex as we dive deeper into a submissive-dominant relationship. A submissive must do more than just listen and obey their Master or Mistress. Regardless of gender, they need to provide comfort to their dominant partner and find their own sexual satisfaction in a BDSM scene, beyond the submissive aspect of it. Let’s go through the most common mistakes beginners do when they become a submissive partner so you know what to expect or avoid when you get into your BDSM adventure.
1. They say “yes” to everything their dominant says or asks
While listening to your dominant and following their instructions are important aspects of being a submissive, it is not always the case for an ideal BDSM relationship. You need to have a voice too and use it to express your desires. Do so before the BDSM scene begins, during the negotiation phase, or throughout the sexual encounter when you need to use the safety word you and your partner established beforehand. When you are not comfortable with a certain action or you feel your life is in danger, you have to speak up to make sure the course of events reverts back to a mutually beneficial point. Otherwise, you will not get any sexual satisfaction during the BDSM scene. Moreover, you will just build up frustration and it can’t bring anything good into your relationship.
2. Asking for more than you can take
Being a submissive might make you rush into things before you are ready to receive them. Hence, the famous saying “Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it.” If you think you are ready for something more intense, like a bigger dildo or vibrator or a harder session of whipping and spanking, talk with your dominant partner in advance. Don’t just ask for it out of the blue during your BDSM scene. The outcome might not be the one you imagined. You might not be as ready as you thought and it will put a break on the growth of your relationship. Not to mention your dominant partner will not be happy with your action either.
3. Taking the BDSM scene personally
Keep in mind, beyond all its excitement and intense sexual practices, BDSM is a game. A much appreciated game but it is still a game. You and your dominant partner are performers. The performance is separate from your daily relationship but it can have a huge and positive impact on it when it is done right. If your partner is in the middle of a verbal humiliation session, let them release their kinky imagination and enjoy it instead of taking it to heart and feeling disrespected. While they might take things farther than you anticipated, remember it is all part of a sexual game and it has to be done in the name of mutual sexual satisfaction and pleasure. If you open your mind and don’t judge what you hear or see, you will understand it has nothing to do with your feelings toward each other or your level of respect for one another. If anything, a well done session of BDSM can increase the level of love, sympathy and respect between two partners and make them grow stronger together over time.
So, feel free to enjoy the dirtiest sides of your sexual personality and welcome your partner’s sexual fetishes with an open heart as long as the basic rules of BDSM are applied: safe, sane and consensual.
