I wonder if you’ve been to what I’ve been through. When I was growing up, sex or even the mention of it, was so frowned upon I actually felt embarrassed to even say the word. Back then, it was popular notion that ‘sex’ wasn’t supposed to be said, especially by girls or women. If you do, expect to be laden with religious guilt for even having that word pop up in your head. Plus, if you talk about it, you’d be thought of as promiscuous. You’d even feel guilty for even liking or wanting to have sex.
Isn’t this so unnatural? How do you think we got here in the first place? We didn’t pop in here unannounced and with no process involved. To everything there is a reason, and the reason for us being here is because two people decided to come together – literally and figuratively – and voila! A new human being is born. Positive sexuality is the natural way for us to be.
Make no mistake though. Positive sexuality doesn’t require everyone to always have sex. But if that is both your kink, go ahead! The point of being positively sexual is to accept each other’s sexuality, preferences and choices. It provides a space for respect, openness, and understanding. Positive sexuality should be present in everyone’s relationship. How?
Be open to the sexual experience of your partner
Positive sexuality acknowledges the truth that sex is a natural human activity. Be aware of the sexual experiences of your partner. If you deem it is far too different from yours or from anyone you know, relax. Not everyone likes the things you like, the same way that some people don’t like the things you like. Consensuality is the key to a relationship that is sexually healthy. Feel free to talk to people who are lesbian, bisexual, gay, transgender, queer, straight, or those who enjoy BDSM. Knowing how other people enjoy their sex lives will also help you understand your own. Doing so keeps you in touch with your own kinks.
Be open to your own sexual experiences
Talking about sex is fun! Talking about your sex life to your partner or others who are open and willing to listen to it is fun-ner! When you talk about your sex life, others may learn from it - or they may enjoy it, I know I would. Plus, it is a positive way to bring your sexuality to the fore. Talking about something that many feel is taboo-ridden takes away the anxiety connected with it. Talk to friends or people you feel comfortable with and those who won’t judge you. Expect to feel liberated from your sexual shame or angst. The effect may not be immediate though as it would take some time for you to 100% totally embrace your self. Relax, the inevitable will come. Just do what you feel is right for you.
No need to apologize
Are you into BDSM? Are you into whips, sex toys, or dressing up? Whatever you are into, as long as it’s consensual it’s okay. You should be proud of you and all of the amazing parts that make you uniquely you. It took me a long time to get there, but I’m happy to say I’m 100% all good with being who I am and liking the things I like. There is no reason for me to apologize for it. One’s kink is one’s personal preference. No need to say sorry for engaging in a very human experience. You are free to be or do whatever you want, especially in sex, as long as it is a mutually consensual act. Also, if you’re not in the mood, just say so, you don’t have to say sorry. If you’re into it, you’re into it. If you’re not, you’re not. It’s that simple. A positive sexual relationship respects your “no” and gets thrilled by your “yes”.
Love your body
You express your sexuality through your body. It is therefore a must that you also care for it. Positive sexuality is all about embracing every inch of your skin, flab, and everything else you have. Having a healthy body image requires seeing the entirety of you as you are. Do not look at yourself through rose-coloured glasses. If you have lovehandles or a bit of fat, accept and love them! Genuinely loving these parts of you makes it easy for your partner to love you back. It all comes from your vibe, baby. So project positive energy and expect to get some good energy back.
Feel free to play
Positive sexuality encourages freedom with responsibility. Sex, besides being a loving act, is a playful activity that consensual people engage in. Sexual play encourages creativity and intimacy. Your imagination is your only limitation. Fortunately, there are sex toys that help ramp up your play - both foreplay and postplay -to bring excitement to your usual ho-hum routine. Choose from dildos, strap-ons, whips, paddles, ropes, or handcuffs to get your game face on. Healthy sexual playing helps you explore all the fun you can do with your partner. It will bring out the best in both of you! Trust me.
As an advocate of sexual positivity, I similarly advocate open communication. A relationship exists because two people are able to communicate their desires to each other. A positively sexual relationship is present because two people are honest in revealing what is inside of them – kink or no kink. They are also openly accepting of each other’s unique preferences. Communicating freely and genuinely makes all of these possible. If you can, and I highly recommend that you do, talk with your partner genuinely and see where it will take you. Highly likely, it will be towards a relationship that is positively rewarding – sexual or otherwise.
