Most of the BDSM relationships right now start online. You can probably blame technology on that, but what can we do if we’re living in the 21st century? Relax and enjoy it, probably Wink*. And this is not necessarily a bad thing; you may feel the good old fashioned way of meeting people in person for the first time cannot be matched, but finding people online can actually have its advantages.
Probably the number one perk of finding someone online is you can peruse a little about your potential partner. And this is extremely important if you’re looking for a dominant or a submissive. The most important thing here will be to be careful and know enough about them before you are bound, literally.
If something happens and you don’t feel comfortable, or if you stop getting a vibe from them and you’re not interested anymore, you only have to say no and that’s it. And it’s less awkward and safe to do so online before you two meet face to face. Another good thing about trying these online matches is you can probably go slower and allows you to set a rhythm you’re comfortable with. Needless to say, this is obviously much safer than meeting a stranger.
And yes, I know screen-to-screen has his disadvantages. Probably the first aspect is that lack of physical contact. You won’t be able to spank or be spanked, touched, kissed, whipped or have sex, obviously. But good thing is, you can always meet them in person if you’re interested enough to do so. You never know how a relationship can progress, so you may be surprised to find that online relationship evolving into a committed relationship like a collaring ceremony, for instance.
However, you need to be careful before setting up a meeting with your potential partner. Those precautions include:
- Always and I mean always, trust your gut. Our instincts never lie, so listen to them and if you’re not getting a good vibe, it’s best to leave right away.
- Before you meet someone in person, try to do as much research online as you can. This means looking up references and talking to people they met before; you may find things about them you didn’t know before. And this step is extremely important if you are looking for a new dominant, for instance.
- If they insist of meeting you in person before you are ready, it’s best to leave the relationship. You shouldn’t be with someone who pressures you into something you are not ready.
- The first time you meet them, it must be in a public place. Before meeting them, let someone close to you know whom you will be meeting, where and approximately what time will you get home. And remember: if you change plans, let them know in order to don’t alarm them. It may be a tad embarrassing if they call the cops just because you forgot to inform them about your change of plans!
- Only let the relationship advance if you are feeling up for it. Don’t rush into absolutely anything.
- Before getting into any activity, agree on a safe word and discuss hard limits and things you are not comfortable with. Safety should always be a priority.
- Tip: a good way to get out of a bad experience is to use codes with a friend. For example, you can discuss beforehand that a phrase like “I’m having a great time” actually means “Help me, I want to leave”. This will help you get out of something without your potential partner knowing.
