If you're curious about the kinky world of BDSM, there are a few things kinky people want you to know. BDSM can be an incredibly rewarding and empowering experience for both partners, but it's important to go in with a full understanding of the dynamic and expectations. To help you get a better understanding of BDSM, here are some key things kinky people wish you knew.
We're not damaged.
The idea that all kinky people are somehow damaged or broken is a common misconception. In reality, there is no correlation between being kinky and having emotional or mental issues. Many kinky people are perfectly healthy and well-adjusted, just like the general population. There are, of course, some individuals who have experienced trauma and turned to BDSM as a way of processing it. But this is true of any activity - there are always some people who use it as a way of healing, while others simply enjoy the sensations and pleasure that come with it. The important thing to remember is that being kinky does not make someone damaged or broken. It simply means that they have different desires and interests than the majority of society.
We're not all into the same things.
When it comes to kink, there's a huge range of activities and desires that people explore. What one person finds enjoyable may not be the same for another. Some people are into spanking, some like restraints, some are into role-playing, and the list goes on. Everyone has their own preferences and kinks, so don't assume that we all like the same things. We all have our own fantasies and fetishes and it's important to respect them. It's also important to make sure that you're both on the same page before you engage in any type of play. Communication is key when it comes to exploring kinks.
Yes, we can be vanilla in other aspects of our lives.
Contrary to what you might think, those of us who are into BDSM and kink can still have very conventional lives in many respects. We can have normal jobs, relationships, families, and interests. Just because we enjoy a little spice in the bedroom doesn’t mean that we’re not just like everyone else outside of it.
We can have conservative religious beliefs, enjoy gardening or baking, and appreciate a night at the movies just as much as anyone else. We can be active members of the community, we can be well-educated and successful, and we can be loving parents and spouses. It’s simply a matter of separating one aspect of our lives from the rest – and that’s something that everyone does to some extent.
No, we're not always thinking about sex.
Contrary to popular belief, not all kinky people are walking around with thoughts of BDSM and sex on their minds. In fact, it can be quite the opposite. Many kinky people take a respectful and conscious approach to BDSM and only engage in activities with a carefully chosen partner. This means that we aren't constantly thinking about sex, but rather taking a more mindful approach when it comes to our relationship dynamics.
We're not always thinking about sex; rather, we're likely thinking about communication and consent. We spend a lot of time talking about boundaries and limits, as well as exploring different types of play and activities. Instead of being preoccupied with the idea of sex, we focus on having an open and honest dialogue with our partner. As kinksters, we understand that communication is key in any type of relationship, and this is especially true in the BDSM community.
We're not doing this because we were abused.
It's a common misconception that those who practice BDSM were somehow damaged by past trauma or abuse. This simply isn't true. Many people come to BDSM as a form of exploration, empowerment, and of self-expression. In fact, BDSM can be a great way for survivors of abuse to gain control and reclaim their bodies in ways that feel safe and fulfilling.
There is a large community of kinky people who are healthy, happy, and unashamedly exploring their sexuality in an open and honest way. We are not broken, we are not seeking to escape from something, and we have not damaged goods. We do not do this because we were abused, we do this because it makes us feel alive.
BDSM can be a powerful tool to help us reconnect with our bodies and to discover more pleasure than we ever thought possible. It is not something that we should be ashamed of or feel guilty about. So don't let anyone tell you that it's wrong or abnormal - it's our own journey and we should be allowed to take it in whatever way we choose.
We're not all submissive/masochistic/etc.
When it comes to BDSM, it's easy to assume that everyone who engages in kink is a submissive masochist, but that couldn't be further from the truth. While some people do enjoy and take pleasure in being dominated and/or receiving pain, that isn't the case for all kinky people. Some people identify as dominant, sadists, switches (both dominant and submissive depending on the situation), or are simply curious about different types of play. It's important to remember that BDSM encompasses a wide range of activities and interests, and not everyone will identify with a single label.
We're human beings just like you.
When it comes down to it, kinky people are just like anyone else. We have the same hopes, fears, and desires as anyone else. We all want love, acceptance, and understanding. We just happen to express our love in different ways. We want to be appreciated for who we are and accepted without judgment.
Kinky people come from all walks of life—we could be your next-door neighbor, your doctor, or your boss. We come in all shapes, sizes, genders, ethnicities, and ages. There’s no one “type” of person who is into kink or BDSM—we’re all unique and diverse.
It’s important to recognize that we’re not monsters, freaks, or deviants. We’re just people who express our sexuality in different ways. Our interests and practices should be respected just like any other sexuality. We don’t deserve to be shamed, judged, or looked down upon for our interests.
At the end of the day, we’re human beings just like you. We have hopes, dreams, and desires—just like everyone else. We deserve to be treated with respect and acceptance, just like anyone else.
