Dating is hard enough, and if you happen to be gay, it can get even harder. Just imagine you see someone you like and want to flirt with them to find out if they are interested. But you don’t know if they are gay. You may also know someone casually, like them and want to flirt with them. However, since they have not come out openly then you are uncertain if your advances would be welcomed.
In this day and age there have been a lot of discussions about sexuality and gender identification. While talking about such a complicated subject is good, it can still be hard to navigate the dating world.
The first thing to keep in mind is the tendency for first dates to be complicated, in any case. A first date can become harder if one of the partners involved is just coming to terms with their own sexuality. As anyone who has been in a similar situation can tell you, it may take years to be comfortable about the situation. So it is necessary for both of you to be on the same page when it comes to this subject.
You may spend a lot of time debating and trying to decipher every signal and move the person you are interested in is doing to see if they are gay. You may even begin to get a little bit obsessed over this fact: she liked this person’s photo on social media, so it has to mean she is gay, right? He wore this shirt yesterday then he must be gay, etc. If so, you may forget to do the most important part of it all: ask them. Remember, if you don’t talk to them you will never know if they are gay or not. If you are too caught up inside yourself you may miss out on some incredible opportunities presented to you to ask.
We tend to be accustomed to relationships following the same path: boy meets girl, they have an awkward beginning, fix up their problems and live happily ever after. But it doesn’t work out exactly this way for a lot of gay people. To begin with, you first have to know if the object of your affection swings for your team. For this reason, it is best to start off as friends instead of diving head first into a romantic relationship. Treat them as a friend first. Even if they are not gay you will have gained a friend and this is definitely a good thing. Once your friendship is secure, then you can introduce some flirting moves every now and then to see how they react. However, be careful not to do anything too intrusive. Saying things like ‘Oh, you look lovely today’ or ‘I saw this movie you said the other day and it reminded me of you.’ You want to make subtle commentaries to show you care about them but at the same time you don’t want come off too strong. Keep in mind you don’t want to make them uncomfortable if they are not gay.
It can definitely be scary letting someone know how you feel. This fear is multiplied when you are gay. But once you come clean you will feel liberated. You can say something along the lines of ‘I would love if we could go out on a date, but if it is not your thing then can we continue to be friends?’ This is a good way of letting them know the friendship doesn’t have to end if their feelings are not reciprocated. If they say ‘No, thanks,’ rest assured a thousand other fishes are in the sea for you to date. But if they say yes, then by all means, the sky is the limit wink*
