‘What is sexual positivity?’ you may ask. Here in sub-shop our aim is to celebrate exactly that. We believe that a healthy sexual relationship is enjoyably consensual, and earnestly encourages sexual independence as well as the full-fledged expression of it -in all its ooh-la-la glory!
I understand – considering the society we are in and despite us already living in the first century of the third millennium – most are still stuck in the old way of thinking and pleasuring. It’s not that easy to break off from the mold we all grew up in, but it’s 100% possible. Trust me!
I define what is right for me and what feels yummy to my senses and - “wink-wink” - palate. But what does “right” mean, really? ‘Right’ is anything that involves respect, consent, and empowerment.
Sexual positivity is all about having the solid inner strength to make your own sexual decisions based on your personal likes, dislikes, preferences, and sensibility instead of allowing anything or anyone outside of you to do it for you. Sex positivity is knowing what you want and what works for you.It is also about being able to express your sexuality in your own terms – as long as it comes with consent and respect. It is being able to stand up for body and yourself.
Sadly, some have perverted sex positivity to make it mean something else that it isn’t. I want to bust the BS beliefs that some associate with sex positivity.
Sex positivity is about loving and liking yourself!
Sex positivity is not about hating, though some cling to the idea that this is what sex positivity is all about. The point of being sexually positive is being able to base one’s pleasure on one’s self and not someone else. There are still a few who interpret this to mean that women don’t need men or vice versa. This is a mistake, honey. Loving your self is not equal to hating everyone else. Lead the sexual positivity movement by making this simple shift in perspective. Start with your self. Like and pleasure your self and you will find it easy for others to like and pleasure you, as well as pleasuring others too.
Sex positivity is not about promiscuity
Oh please. I’m sure there are a very saucy perverts (you know who you are…Marsha…*wink*) few who want sex positivity to be this way, but ha—ha, the joke’s on you! Sex positivity is not about promiscuity. It is also not about having unsafe sex. Being sexually positive means being able to take care of your body and yourself. It is about being wholly responsible for your decisions. Sex must not only be safe and consensual, it must also not cause heartache, mind ache and emotional pain. Essentially, the sexual positivity movement is about making decisions that brings confidence, fulfilment, control, and satisfaction to one’s self and others.
Sexual positivity isn’t only about sex
It’s not all about pleasure and self-pleasure when it comes to sex. It is also about being ethical. Long gone are the days of being shamed for having desires and expressing them in ways we want to. No more moments of having to conform to what everyone thought of what sex and pleasure should be. Using dildos are no longer frowned upon the way they were used to. Men no longer have first dibs on what sex and pleasure is. Though I admit, there is still a long way to go. But I am happy to say, we are getting there one step – and one sex toy – at a time. Accepting and respecting your own as well as other people’s kinks is an ethical way to live the sexual life you’ve always wanted.
Sexual positivity is mainly about bettering one’s self
Being sexually positive means not allowing yourself to be boxed in by society’s expectations. If the idea society has about what they think you should be does not jell with who you feel you are, it is okay! It is sexually positive to express who you sexually are from a place of empowerment. Be aware of yours as well as others’ differences and uniqueness. Accept who you are, and accept others how they are. If there is something you want to change about yourself because you feel it is something you can improve on, face it and deal with it. Change for the better!
Real sexual positivity requires knowing more about yourself. Be aware of your desires. Know what turns you on, and what turns you off. Also, don’t forget to also be aware of others’ desires. What turns them on? What turns them off? Feel free to challenge conventional gender roles, as well as your own biases and judgments. Be comfortable expressing yourself. Be open to participate in activities that makes you feel happy and pleasured. It is your choice. It is you who gets to decide what is good for you.
Being sexually positive demands caring for yourself in the same way you care for others. It also means expressing yourself in a manner that is earnest, honest, and respectful of other people’s sensitivities. Sexual positivity is not a license to do what you want anytime you want. It demands responsibility as much as it requires freedom. Everyone needs to have the means to express their sexuality in ways that are empowering. Be open yet don’t forget to keep your heart safe. Do not sacrifice your integrity in any way. Sexual positivity must come from a place of strength, fairness and dignity. It must be equally empowering for you and others too.
