Nice to meet you- introducing sex toys to the relationship
With relationships, especially new ones, there are lots of things to think about—what should I wear, when do I introduce my new partner to my friends, when will I meet their parents…how should I introduce them to my favorite sex toys (that’s right, I have more than a few favorites), you know, the usual. Overall, people like to think of themselves as open-minded and adventurous, but when it comes to introducing new things, well, we can all get a little resistant from time to time; it’s normal to be afraid of disrupting the balance of our lives and getting out of our comfort zones. And sex toys can be kind of a delicate subject. Many people think they are meant solely for masturbation when someone is single, or they might (erroneously) think“if the sex is already good, there should be no reason to use toys”. Reactions like these are not uncommon, so it’s best to be aware of the possibility of a negative response. That being said, and just like everything in life, there are ways to ease the introduction of sex toys so that everything goes smoothly.
Start slow. This is really important and you may have read it a million times but I’ll say it again. Start slow. It will be worth the wait!If you’re too animated about it at the beginning, your partner might get a little freaked out, thinking the toy is more important to the whole sex experience than they are. If you’re in a new relationship, don’t worry about toys until you’ve had a healthy amount of great bedroom sessions just the two of you, without toys (fun times!). It’s likely that your partner will be turned on by the idea of broadening the sexual experience with some enhancements(chances are it will spark some interest)but you can’t be sure. Also, no matter how much you’re dying to bust out the double dong, you’re likely to scare them away if they haven’t used sex toys before, let alone with a partner. Try something more basic like a vibrator to start off. You can always integrate others later on as the relationship progresses. Soon enough, it could be your partner asking to kick up the intensity with something like a suction or an electro stimulation toy.
How to bring it up?Just like a band aid, it’s better to do it straight at once; I recommend asking point blank. If you’re in a comfortable relationship with someone, it should not be a problem to talk openly about your desires. Ask if they’ve ever used toys before, or how they would feel about that idea. Creating an environment of sexual openness through the conversation will help to ensure that the bedroom environment is always just at ease. It might also be a good idea to bring along literature on the subject or do some online research, that way your partner can get a greater sense of things. Keep in mind that you should bring up the subject at an appropriate time. If either one of you is stressed, especially regarding the relationship, it might be best to wait until things have gotten back to normal. Also, rather than first thing in the morning, or before work, find a time when you’ll both be able to give the subject the attention and time it deserves, together. Maybe after a nice dinner or on a lazy sunday when you are both relaxing on the couch.
Keep the Conversation Going. Just because your partner initially agreed to use toys, their comfort level during the actual practice of using them might be less so. Don’t be afraid to talk all through the experience! (Don’t let the cat eat your tongue wink*) Make sure your lover feels good and safe both physically and mentally. Chances are, the sound of your voice—the way you’ll be talking will of course be highly sexual—and will heighten their arousal and comfort level.
How to Handle Resistance? If your lover seems truly against using toys from the start, it will be better if you’ve familiarized yourself with some common attitudes about sex toys. Many partners automatically think that the use of a sex toy is saying something about their ability to please you and your level of satisfaction in the bedroom.Another common misconception is for some people to think that if the sex is great already, why fix something that isn’t broken? Just answer these concerns with the truth! Sex toys are fun, and the reason you use them is only for variety and even more pleasure—for everyone involved!If they still seem uninterested, perhaps you could reach an agreement through compromise. Suggest trying it out once to see how you both feel and see how the whole experience goes. If your partner still isn’t enjoying it, it might be the time to agree to disagree. It’s ok, you can still use your toys for masturbation, wink*. Either way, it’s best to talk it through, keeping an open and honest line of communication.
Getting Started. Begin the experience right. Pick out your first toy (for using as a couple!) together. This makes it fun before the real fun even gets started. Remember to keep an open mind and be flexible(I know what you’re thinking, but I didn’t mean physically flexible!)I guess we all have dirty minds, wink*. If you’ve tried the first toy and it turns out this one wasn’t right for you, there are plenty more where that came from. With so many options, there are bound to be lots that will suit both of your desires and needs…
Suggestions.Here are some great toys for starting out. You can begin with a massager, starting with some muscle relaxation, then move on to more erogenous areas. Glass toys are great to start with as well, because they’re often beautiful to look at, thus more attractive to a newcomer. There are even toys that are made specifically for beginners, like a strap on with easily adjustable harness. A vibrating cock ring is always nice to experiment with;it will give immense pleasure to both of you, pulsing on him as he wears it and then you feel it too when he pushes inside you. It will really demonstrate that many toys are meant for couples. Oh! I almost forgot: use lube. Sex toys don’t have the natural lubrication that people have, so always use lube! Water-based lubes are always safe to use with your toys.
Hope this helps. Or maybe you won’t even need any of this information because your partner has been dying to bring it up to you?Couldn’t we all be that lucky?
